When I was in high school I came home one day to find my mom on the couch with her head wrapped up in bandages. The only thing visible were her eyes which were black and blue. Turns out my mom just had surgery. Something she didn't tell any of us kids about before hand. Let me tell you - it's quite a shock to come home and find your mom looking like someone took a baseball bat to her face! It was a bit traumatizing!
I don't blame my mom for not telling us - that was the way things were. Parents didn't tell their kids about health, financial, or any other issues they were facing. Parents try to protect their kids from these issues. But here's the thing - kids know. They might not know details, but kids pick up on the fact that something is not right.
It's tricky as parents to decide what to tell our kids and what not to tell our kids about our own struggles.
When my own daughter was born, I thought about that a lot. What would I share with my daughter? Would I be open and honest? I figured I would have plenty of time to figure it out.
I was wrong.
A year after my daughter was born, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, a disease affecting the colon. Flare-ups can range from mild discomfort and cramping to full on pain and bleeding.
When my daughter was three-years-old, we took a trip to Disneyland. Like many little girls, she was obsessed with the Disney Princesses. In the middle of our trip I had a bad flare-up. I found myself in the happiest place on earth about to pass out from dehydration. After a call to my doctor we headed to the hospital.
Nothing like spending five hours of your Disney vacation in a hospital waiting room. When they finally called me back I was put in a room and hooked up to an IV. The doctor gave me a shot to relax the cramping. My daughter watched all this, not with fear, but with interest. She was too young to be frightened. In fact, she thought it was pretty funny that mommy was getting a shot! Whenever we visited the doctor it was always her receiving her vaccinations, so she found humor that our roles had been switched.
Throughout the years my daughter has seen me have flare-ups, take medication, prep for colonoscopies, and even got to see me wake up from one. Another thing she found humorous - the fact that I would wake up, say hi, fall back asleep, and have no recollection of it all.
I've never tried to hide it or dismiss her questions about it. There was really no point, she already knew what was going on. It's not pleasant for a kid to see their parent struggle with a health issue, but I believe there are benefits.
My daughter understands that you can do all you can to be healthy, yet sometimes your health is out of your control. I live a healthy lifestyle, and other than the Colitis, I'm a very healthy forty-seven year old woman. Yet, I still have a disease. There is nothing I can do to change that. There is no cure.
Along with that my daughter has learned that you don't always know what someone is going through. Many people are surprised to find out that I suffer from Colitis. I don't always look like I'm going through a medical issue, even when I'm suffering with a flare-up.
My daughter sees me taking care of my health - not for the purpose of losing weight or to look good - but to feel healthy. She sees me going to the doctor, taking my medication, drinking that God awful colonoscopy drink. I may complain at times, but I do it. She sees me eat healthy and exercise - again not to lose weight - but to keep my disease in check. She sees there is more to health than what you can see on the outside.
My daughter also gets to witness my husband taking care of me. She sees how, even though I may complain, my husband never does. He takes me to appointments, he works hard at his job that provides our health insurance, he even cleaned me up the one time I didn't make it to the bathroom in time while prepping for a procedure. (Yep - that can happen.) He comforts me and does all he can to make me comfortable. My daughter sees that.
My daughter loves chemistry and science and is considering a career in the medical field. I would love to say that my exposing her to the healthcare world inspired that, but I know she would be drawn to that field anyway. It's just in her nature. But maybe seeing me go through this will help her understand that behind every patient is a human being struggling.
Even if she doesn't go into the medical field, hopefully it will help her understand that we all have struggles and difficulties that often aren't on display. That showing kindness for others is important, especially because we don't know what others might be dealing with.
I am glad my daughter has had the opportunity to learn those things. She is a better, more compassionate human because of it.
- Amy Young
Comments