There is a popular plot device used in many stories that I'm sure most of you are familiar with - the shoulder angel and devil. The angel usually sits on the right shoulder and encourages a person to chose good, while the devil sits on the left shoulder and tempts the person to do bad.
Well, instead of an angel and devil, I have two very different moms sitting on my shoulders.
On one shoulder I have Adventure mom who wants to push my daughter out the front door and tell her to have fun, take risks, have an adventure!
On the other shoulder, I have Helicopter mom who wants to lock my daughter up in her room and never let her out because the world is a dangerous place.
Many of my parenting decisions are decided between these two moms perched on my shoulders.
The other day my daughter asked if she could go boating with a friend.
Adventure mom said, "Oh how fun! The feel of your hair whipping in the wind while the boat soars down the water!"
Helicopter mom said, "Boats are dangerous! She could drown! What about brain-eating amoebas?"
Back and forth they went with reasons why I should or should not let my daughter go. Adventure mom won in the end - my daughter got to go with her friend. That doesn't mean that Helicopter mom lost - she got to insist on life jackets and coerced a promise of regular sunscreen application.
I try very hard to let Adventure mom win. I want my daughter to experience life, but it's not always easy to let go of the worries that Helicopter mom has.
Years ago, when my daughter was still in middle school, we had a battle for the ages! My daughter was invited to go on a cruise with her best friend's family. The cruise left from a port a few hours from our house and traveled to Honduras, Belize, and Mexico. The family that invited her was a very cautious and trustworthy family.
Adventure mom said, "Awesome! A cruise with her best friend? How fun! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! She has to go!"
Helicopter mom said, "Are you kidding me? Send her out of the country without us? What if she gets kidnapped? What if she gets hurt?"
It was a very difficult decision. One that my husband and I discussed for a long time. (He has his own battling dads inside him.) Our inner parents battled back and forth for over a week. Finally, we decided to let her go. Adventure mom beamed, Helicopter mom bit her lip in anxiety.
My daughter got to go, but there were a lot of rules and expectations attached. To Adventure mom's delight - she had a wonderful time! It was truly an amazing experience for her. To Helicopter mom's relief - she followed the rules, checked in often, and even brought us back souvenirs.
It's difficult to know which mom to follow when it comes to parenting. Neither one is bad - both want what's best. My daughter wants to go out and have fun. I want that for her too, but I also want her to be safe.
This year my daughter is a senior in high school. One more year and she is off on her wildest and longest adventure - life as an adult. I just hope that Adventure mom has taught her to take risks and live her life to the fullest. I also hope that Helicopter mom has taught her to be careful, be prepared, and make good decisions.
One thing both moms can agree on, however, is that my daughter is amazing!
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