When it comes to parenting I often think of the Aesop fable about the miller, the boy, and the ass. You can read the story here, but a brief summary is:
A miller, a boy, and an ass are traveling into town.
Someone comments that the miller should ride the ass, so he does.
Someone else comments that the boy should ride the ass, so they switch.
Someone else comments that they both should ride the ass, so they do.
Finally someone comments on how unfair it is for the poor ass, so the miller fixes a pole and ties the ass's legs to it so he and the boy can carry the ass. As if that alone is not crazy enough, the ass kicks loose and falls off a bridge and drowns.
The moral of the story is: If you try to please everyone, you will please no one.
Parenting is a lot like this. Especially for women. And it begins early - before a child is even born! I remember being pregnant with my daughter and going to a restaurant. I loved crab legs, so I ordered them. At this time there was a debate about whether or not shellfish was okay for pregnant women. I had talked to my father - a retired doctor - about shellfish before this and he assured me that a one time meal of crab legs was not going to be detrimental but I shouldn't make a habit of eating shellfish daily. So I felt good about my decision. However, a friend who was dining with me was appalled and lectured me through the entire meal. It ruined the meal for me. This friend was no doctor and had no kids of his own, but he had sisters who had been pregnant so he felt he was an expert.
And so it started. After a child is born, the advice and judgments never seem to ease up.
Then a pandemic happens. One that is so new that there is no real consensus on how to protect ourselves and others. Suddenly we, as parents, are thrown into new territory. It's never been more difficult to decide what is best for our family, and it feels like we've never been more judged.
I confess my husband and I have let our teenage daughter have a quarantine friend. Back in March when the order was just social distancing, we allowed her to see this one friend. Once the lockdown order came, she was not able to see anyone, including her friend for over four weeks. Now the restrictions are eased in our state and I admit we are allowing her to see her friend once again. We only allow it about once a week and her friend's family is also social distancing.
Last Friday my daughter and her friend delivered care packages to friends, dance team members, and their dance teachers. They delivered to 18 people! They practiced social distancing from the people they delivered to and had a big container of hand sanitizer in the car for between deliveries. One of their dance teachers was so moved and took a picture of the girls together and put it on social media. It was a cute picture of them standing side by side, big grins on their faces, and I wanted to share the picture but I hesitated.
I hesitated because I knew there would be those people who would judge my choice. However, if I pay attention to the Aesop fable above and heed the lesson it teaches, I learn that I need to do what I think is right for me and my family and not worry about what others think. The only one I need to please is myself. So I shared the picture of my daughter and her friend, and surprisingly enough - I didn't receive any negative comments. (At least, not yet.) Many people liked the picture and some commented on how thoughtful the girls were. I know I have friends who were shaking their heads and tsking to themselves, but they were nice enough to keep their thoughts to themselves, and I appreciate that.
We are doing our best to do our part during all this. There are some out there who think we are going too far with restrictions, and there are some who think we are not going far enough. But as long as we are not disregarding other peoples's safety, I feel that we are doing what we need to do. And by doing so - we keep our ass firmly on the ground with no danger of falling off the bridge.
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