Last month I had to visit my gynecologist to replace my IUD (because of course it would be up for replacement in 2020!) I've been seeing this particular doctor for five years now, ever since I got my first IUD. I have to say, he's pretty awesome- he listens to my concerns and never dismisses my worries. We often talk about our kids in competitive sports and we share the same type of humor.
But visiting the doctor's office feels different this year. Everything feels different this year. It's not just the temperature checks and questions about exposure. It's not just the mandatory masks and seats spread apart. It's the feeling of distance from one another - not just physical distance, but emotional and mental. Everything has become more clinical, more disconnected.
I thought about all this as I sat on the crinkly paper in my gown that opens up in the back. When my doctor came in we did the new greeting - an elbow bump - and he asked how things were going. I gave him a brief rundown of our quarantine life and asked how he was doing.
I saw his hesitation. I could tell he was about to give what my mom used to call a "canned answer." The answer you think you should give. In other words, he was going to say everything was fine when it obviously wasn't. Before he could answer I asked him how he really, truly was.
He sighed and began talking. He told me about how difficult it has been in the health industry. Last spring his clinic had to cut hours back, people had to be furloughed, others were let go completely. He admitted to being one of the lucky ones who was doing okay financially, but he had still taken a hit.
He talked about how many patients are not doing vital health visits that are important. He said he was worried about his patient's health - not just in relation to Covid. He talked about health care workers putting themselves at risk to do their job. Sometimes without the necessary protections. He showed me the flimsy gloves they had that had to be doubled up because they broke so easily.
For a good ten to fifteen minutes he talked and I listened. We were not doctor/patient at that moment, but two human beings needing to talk about everything that's been going on.
He soon realized how much talking he had done and apologized. I told him not to worry about it - we really were all in this together. That's not to say we are all experiencing this the same way, but this pandemic has affected us all. It doesn't matter if you are a doctor or a patient.
Looking back on this year I realize one of the things that I miss the most is that connection with other people. I miss having happy hour with my friends. I miss hugging my former students when I see them in the store. I miss bonding with complete strangers over a shared love of music at concerts. I miss making new friends, joking with people while waiting in line, and the dozens of other small connections we used to experience.
I was glad I was given the opportunity to have this small connection with my doctor. I was glad we both could shed the armor we have all put on this year to have an honest talk about how hard this all is.
I really hope that 2021 will bring more of that connection back.
Amy Young
Confessions of a GenX Mom
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